So I've been doing stuff.
Guiding trips on the reg now along with my fellow full-timers, learning new stuff everyday and making ends from frenemies.
Our first multi-boat trip that we did this year was, well, mostly a failure. Something that is very important when guiding these trips is to always keep good spacing between your own boat and the other boats in the trip. Now, this was our first time, but it was about as miserable as it could have been.
Look at these... http://www.rapidshootersmaine.com/windfall/2012/0707k/boat02/index.htm ... This is Kyle's boat, and there is Kyle, along with Me and then Marissa all in the same picture, which shouldn't happen, basically ever. Marissa has some incredible facial expressions courtesy of Rapid Shooters. And there is Kyle up front, smiling to the camera, oblivious to the carnage a few yards behind him, oops. I remember dropping into Big Mama, looking behind me, and thinking (for a few scary seconds) that the boat behind me would land on my boat and crush my innocent customers. BUT. It wasn't to be. Everyone was safe and fine and we all learned some, very, important lessons.
The ten boat trip went quite a bit better this past Tuesday. For Windfall, that is almost the maximum. Add camp kids and we had a recipe for crazy muffins that the river was about to bake. But, bake it did not and we had a great trip in some great weather.
Now, story time... I'm going to use the most politically correct terms I can conjure up when writing this so let your imagination run wild... I don't like people touching me. I don't like people in my bubble, I don't like people dragging me into the water and I definitely don't like people "grazing certain zones of my body with their metacarpus in a quick, repetitive, manner". Yeah, I definitely don't like that. In fact, I don't like watching other people touch themselves in a strange, out of context, manner. But there she went. This customer, under NO provocation, came to me and decided that it would be appropriate and timely to show me her "awkward salmon". Immediately I knew I didn't want to know what ever the "awkward salmon" was so when she asked me...
"Do you want to see my awkward salmon?" I said... "No"
But this particular person, an individual whose BMI rating was above the recommended level (according to BBC Health), bends her mass downward, takes her hand, and starts slapping her thighs. Right thigh, left thigh, right thigh, left thigh, slap, slap, slap, isthishappeningrightnow, slap, slap. I was dumbstruck. It was like watching a car crash, so horrible but you're just transfixed because it was so mind bending that averting your gaze is impossible. All of a sudden, the slapping stopped. I didn't say anything to this girl, who was now looking at me with a facial expression of pure joy, but instead turned directly around and starting looking into the woods. I hoped that maybe I would see a squirrel humping an acorn, or a deer being shot, or maybe even a bear eating someone dear to me BECAUSE all of those things would have been better to look at than this girl slapping river-water soaked thighs in quick succession. I had not finished hoping that the entire episode never happened when I heard this...
"That's not how you do it, this is how you do it!" This girl's brother, another person whose BMI level was above recommended, had to show us all how it was done. I was glad I was looking into the woods. I was glad I was not going to have to watch this whole thing happen again. I was glad that the sun was shining and that I was eating a chicken-bacon-ranch wrap. I was even glad that my shoes were full of rocks because it gave me something else to be uncomfortable about. It was all for naught. Suddenly the unimaginable was happening. He was touching me, very close to things that are politically incorrect to mention on a blog posted on the internet. Places that are illegal to talk about in Germany and China. I was being "awkward salmon-ed", this wasn't happening. If someone took a video of what was happening to me, and posted it on YouTube, it would be removed due to YouTube's community guidelines. This kid, that I didn't even know, was doing this to me and I was being mortified. Why was this happening? What makes him think this is appropriate? Once the episode ended I took a bite of my wrap, sipped some hot chocolate, and calmly walked in the opposite direction of anyone. Once I took a few steps it finally dawned on me what happened and I gagged on my food and I accidentally spit my hot chocolate on a stranger. Luckily the stranger was from France, and that was normal in France, so it was wasn't too bad. (I made the hot chocolate part up) But I really did gag on my wrap.
I look back and see one of my fellow raft guides buckled in half with laughter, I was not laughing. I don't like people touching me. I don't like salmon now. All of a sudden I hate all seafood, all seafood. I hate the sea now.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
...to have the wheel with one hand, and a PBR in the other (NO! Not me)
First Commercial Trip!!
Was a success. I was originally supposed to just run shuttle but Seth put me on the river instead for my first guiding expedition, eek! Although I was nervous, I remained calm, cool and collected as I steered the heaviest boat of all time down the river. I only missed one hit, Whitewasher, but other than that it was an excellent first run. I also played the "This is my first time card." quite a bit and yes, got some tips. One of the best parts of the trip was when I gave our Herbal Essence joke a try... It goes like this...
Guide "Hey everybody, look at that waterfall over there!"
People In Raft - Turn heads, "ohh, ahh"
Guide "Ya know, they once filmed an Herbal Essence commercial right there by that waterfall"
One of my customers "Oh really?!?! I think I remember that commercial!"
Guide "Well, I definitely just made that up."
Guide and People In Raft 'awkward laughter that turns into normal laughter'
So, after the trip ended and we started loading the boats back on the trailer I got stopped by a kid who works for Magic Falls, someone I recognized from the river, who asked me if Windfall was doing a play run that night. We had actually thought about doing a play run earlier that morning so I said "Yeah" and we exchanged digits and called each other bro and dude for the next 10 minutes.
Then the night go interesting. Heather, Kyle and I pack up the Sube (with a 350lb boat on the roof) and head to The Forks to meet up with Joe who was bringing some friends with him for our play run.
We arrive and meet Joe, Don, Simon, Tyler, Hannah, Rod, two Brazilian guys, Ashley, Marissa (who met us in The Forks) and some other people who's names I've forgotten and start planning our run. Once I realized that the majority of the party was drunk or high I realized that planning was probably not going to work. So instead we all hopped in the cars and headed up the dam! Halfway there we dropped a car for shuttle and crammed 8 people into my car and 8 other people crammed into Joe's car. At the top of the dam we checked the whiteboard and saw that there would be 6400cfs water running till 8pm, perfect. We unpacked the boats, pumped them up and got ready to rock until we realized that all our cars were no where near the bottom of the river. Ooops, I guess planning REALLY doesn't work while we're bombing down dirt roads and throwing back possibly alcoholic beverages (Once again, not me), but hey! We're in Maine! (insert quip about open container laws and how they should always be followed HERE) PBR is just gross water anyway, so what if a little bit spilled on the leather seats, nbd. Anyway, we want to get on the water asap so Joe and I hand our keys to these Brazilian transfer students from UNH that we had never met, and instruct them to drive carefully back to the Ball Field which was take-out. I literally don't even know if these kids had licenses, but I handed over my most precious Subaru and instructed this new friend that he should drive slowly, and that he should be sober. To which he replied, "Ok" and "I'm sober enough"... I crossed my fingers.
We get the boats in the water and make it about 500yards down river when we notice something very bad. The water was dropping like crazy. The dam had decided that they didn't want to give us water, that Boston had enough power for the day, and so were left rafting the gorge at like 2000cfs. Our plans of cliff jumping, hitting Maytag and running the pourovers in Rock Garden fell apart and instead we paddled our brains out to make it to Carry Brook before all the water went away and we got stuck running the river at 340cfs, which is, the worst.
At this point, Kyle, was celebrating. Against Ashley's advice he had decided to kayak the upper. So when he saw the water dropping he was very glad indeed, low water was much easier for a kayak. So while we frantically paddle ourselves down the river, Kyle whistled a merry tune and got off the hook for a hard gorge run. This isn't to say it wasn't hard, just less hard.
Magic Falls was pretty tricky but other than that we make it Carry Brook unscathed. Now, remember those Brazilian kids who brought our cars to the Ball Field, well... oops, because the water is so low we would barely make it to ball field so instead the girls take a car that we had left at Carry Brook and have to drive to Ball Field, to drive back, and blah blah blah... It took a while, it took long enough for my imagination to start churning with images of burning Subaru's and Brazilian wreckage, but at 9:10 we see headlights and ta-da! The girls brought the cars back yay! Saved...
So even with the water level dropping to an almost unraftable level, and not being able to do any crazy stuff, we still had an awesome time going down the river and meeting some new frrraaannddzzz! Don has decided that Windfall should rename all the rapids to things that apply biblical meaning, (we actually thought this would be a sick idea) and we get to hear more about how Magic Falls runs its operation, as well as Pro River Runners who, by the sounds of it, have almost ended their Kennebec rafting days.
All in all, sick day... The Marshall even opened their kitchen for us and made Kyle, Joe and I burgers and fries at 10:30 at night. We ate them while the boom box played something similar to a Lamb of God song which we all found very inappropriate for eating. Alas, friends made, rivers run, burgers eaten. I'm going to start renaming the rapids now... except I'm actually going to bed because there is trip in the morning. WOOP!
Was a success. I was originally supposed to just run shuttle but Seth put me on the river instead for my first guiding expedition, eek! Although I was nervous, I remained calm, cool and collected as I steered the heaviest boat of all time down the river. I only missed one hit, Whitewasher, but other than that it was an excellent first run. I also played the "This is my first time card." quite a bit and yes, got some tips. One of the best parts of the trip was when I gave our Herbal Essence joke a try... It goes like this...
Guide "Hey everybody, look at that waterfall over there!"
People In Raft - Turn heads, "ohh, ahh"
Guide "Ya know, they once filmed an Herbal Essence commercial right there by that waterfall"
One of my customers "Oh really?!?! I think I remember that commercial!"
Guide "Well, I definitely just made that up."
Guide and People In Raft 'awkward laughter that turns into normal laughter'
So, after the trip ended and we started loading the boats back on the trailer I got stopped by a kid who works for Magic Falls, someone I recognized from the river, who asked me if Windfall was doing a play run that night. We had actually thought about doing a play run earlier that morning so I said "Yeah" and we exchanged digits and called each other bro and dude for the next 10 minutes.
Then the night go interesting. Heather, Kyle and I pack up the Sube (with a 350lb boat on the roof) and head to The Forks to meet up with Joe who was bringing some friends with him for our play run.
We arrive and meet Joe, Don, Simon, Tyler, Hannah, Rod, two Brazilian guys, Ashley, Marissa (who met us in The Forks) and some other people who's names I've forgotten and start planning our run. Once I realized that the majority of the party was drunk or high I realized that planning was probably not going to work. So instead we all hopped in the cars and headed up the dam! Halfway there we dropped a car for shuttle and crammed 8 people into my car and 8 other people crammed into Joe's car. At the top of the dam we checked the whiteboard and saw that there would be 6400cfs water running till 8pm, perfect. We unpacked the boats, pumped them up and got ready to rock until we realized that all our cars were no where near the bottom of the river. Ooops, I guess planning REALLY doesn't work while we're bombing down dirt roads and throwing back possibly alcoholic beverages (Once again, not me), but hey! We're in Maine! (insert quip about open container laws and how they should always be followed HERE) PBR is just gross water anyway, so what if a little bit spilled on the leather seats, nbd. Anyway, we want to get on the water asap so Joe and I hand our keys to these Brazilian transfer students from UNH that we had never met, and instruct them to drive carefully back to the Ball Field which was take-out. I literally don't even know if these kids had licenses, but I handed over my most precious Subaru and instructed this new friend that he should drive slowly, and that he should be sober. To which he replied, "Ok" and "I'm sober enough"... I crossed my fingers.
We get the boats in the water and make it about 500yards down river when we notice something very bad. The water was dropping like crazy. The dam had decided that they didn't want to give us water, that Boston had enough power for the day, and so were left rafting the gorge at like 2000cfs. Our plans of cliff jumping, hitting Maytag and running the pourovers in Rock Garden fell apart and instead we paddled our brains out to make it to Carry Brook before all the water went away and we got stuck running the river at 340cfs, which is, the worst.
At this point, Kyle, was celebrating. Against Ashley's advice he had decided to kayak the upper. So when he saw the water dropping he was very glad indeed, low water was much easier for a kayak. So while we frantically paddle ourselves down the river, Kyle whistled a merry tune and got off the hook for a hard gorge run. This isn't to say it wasn't hard, just less hard.
Magic Falls was pretty tricky but other than that we make it Carry Brook unscathed. Now, remember those Brazilian kids who brought our cars to the Ball Field, well... oops, because the water is so low we would barely make it to ball field so instead the girls take a car that we had left at Carry Brook and have to drive to Ball Field, to drive back, and blah blah blah... It took a while, it took long enough for my imagination to start churning with images of burning Subaru's and Brazilian wreckage, but at 9:10 we see headlights and ta-da! The girls brought the cars back yay! Saved...
So even with the water level dropping to an almost unraftable level, and not being able to do any crazy stuff, we still had an awesome time going down the river and meeting some new frrraaannddzzz! Don has decided that Windfall should rename all the rapids to things that apply biblical meaning, (we actually thought this would be a sick idea) and we get to hear more about how Magic Falls runs its operation, as well as Pro River Runners who, by the sounds of it, have almost ended their Kennebec rafting days.
All in all, sick day... The Marshall even opened their kitchen for us and made Kyle, Joe and I burgers and fries at 10:30 at night. We ate them while the boom box played something similar to a Lamb of God song which we all found very inappropriate for eating. Alas, friends made, rivers run, burgers eaten. I'm going to start renaming the rapids now... except I'm actually going to bed because there is trip in the morning. WOOP!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
...to have some bad days, then some good ones
Last Sunday sucked.
No need to sugarcoat it, the day blew and it was directly after Saturday (thanks Rebecca Black) and Saturday was great.
At 9am we hop in a boat laden Subaru and head to Greenville where we have been attending church. Halfway there my tire goes flat and it was only after "Whats that noise?" and "Whats the smell?" did we realize the back left tire had shredded itself. So here we are, Ashley, Marissa and I, changing a tire on the side of the road because God said "Don't go to Church today."
Bummer!!! But, after a possible $600 tire repair the day had to get better right? Nope, not for me anyway.
After lazing around the base we decided to go to the Moose River to practice kayaking. It's a great river to try to catch surfs on and its normally a blast. While Mason and Kyle drove away to shuttle the vehicles I was going to go over a "tiny" waterfall, eddy out, and wait for them, but it was not to be. The "tiny" waterfall flipped me (because I'm still a noob), I lost my air because I forgot nose plugs, I missed my roll, I couldn't grab the handle to pull my skirt and I generally freaked out under water until finally I escaped my boat. At this point my paddle is starting to head down the next set of rapids, a paddle that is not mine, a paddle that I can not lose! I push the kayak as hard as I can away from me and start swimming toward the paddle. I grab my paddle and then swim to go get my boat which is also not mine, which I also cannot lose. The Moose river is like 2-3ft deep and swimming for like 1/4 mile while being berated by boulders and raking myself on rocks was mildly unpleasant. It was the worst swim I've ever had.
Last Monday was much better.
I was able to find a used tire of the same size (Subaru owners know how important this is) in Skowhegan, Kyle and I were able to go to McDonalds and then Andrew showed up later that day! Things were looking good! We ventured down to The Marshall to chat with some more people about coming with us to the Penobscot River the next day and we all enjoyed a burger and beer for $6. (of course, substituting the beer for something with no alcohol) Although we didn't find anyone else to come to the Penobscot with us we did find a very angry girl who's boyfriend had broken up with her, and we watched some crazy videos of guys going over 30ft waterfalls in Rafts in the middle of winter.
Tuesday was the bomb.
We woke up early Tuesday morning, finished loading the cars, fueled up and headed east to The Nob. Mason and Ashley had run the river before but Kyle, Marissa, Andrew and I had not and boy was it sick! We scouted the gorge from the cliffs surrounding it, pointing out lines and talking about angles, when Three River's five boat trip started making there way down the gorge. The first boat made it fine, the second boat (filled with a good number of teenage girls) flipped and we watched them all swim through the Class V rapids knowing that they would never want to raft ever again. But, if 13yr old girls could swim this, psh, we got it for sure. We saddle up the 15ft raft and hit the river with Mason as our guide making it down with no problems at all. Farther down the river is The Cribworks which is another Class V section that Mason navigates with ease. Now it was our turn. After some joking about injuries and recirculation, Kyle, Andrew and I bring the raft back up to the dam for round 2! Here is how our run went...
Ian Guiding the Gorge, Kyle Guiding the Crib
We get back late Tuesday night, exhausted but pumped. The day on The Nob had been incredibly fun and challenging. We all had a blast and no one got hurt! Andrew got a taste of what we do and how we do it (although on a different river). He even guided Pompanoosuc falls once, what a boss.
So from bad to incredible those three days were all something to remember. Having Andrew coming up here was freaking awesome! Hopefully I'll see some more people from down south drive up 201 and pull into the Windfall parking lot.
No need to sugarcoat it, the day blew and it was directly after Saturday (thanks Rebecca Black) and Saturday was great.
At 9am we hop in a boat laden Subaru and head to Greenville where we have been attending church. Halfway there my tire goes flat and it was only after "Whats that noise?" and "Whats the smell?" did we realize the back left tire had shredded itself. So here we are, Ashley, Marissa and I, changing a tire on the side of the road because God said "Don't go to Church today."
Bummer!!! But, after a possible $600 tire repair the day had to get better right? Nope, not for me anyway.
After lazing around the base we decided to go to the Moose River to practice kayaking. It's a great river to try to catch surfs on and its normally a blast. While Mason and Kyle drove away to shuttle the vehicles I was going to go over a "tiny" waterfall, eddy out, and wait for them, but it was not to be. The "tiny" waterfall flipped me (because I'm still a noob), I lost my air because I forgot nose plugs, I missed my roll, I couldn't grab the handle to pull my skirt and I generally freaked out under water until finally I escaped my boat. At this point my paddle is starting to head down the next set of rapids, a paddle that is not mine, a paddle that I can not lose! I push the kayak as hard as I can away from me and start swimming toward the paddle. I grab my paddle and then swim to go get my boat which is also not mine, which I also cannot lose. The Moose river is like 2-3ft deep and swimming for like 1/4 mile while being berated by boulders and raking myself on rocks was mildly unpleasant. It was the worst swim I've ever had.
Last Monday was much better.
I was able to find a used tire of the same size (Subaru owners know how important this is) in Skowhegan, Kyle and I were able to go to McDonalds and then Andrew showed up later that day! Things were looking good! We ventured down to The Marshall to chat with some more people about coming with us to the Penobscot River the next day and we all enjoyed a burger and beer for $6. (of course, substituting the beer for something with no alcohol) Although we didn't find anyone else to come to the Penobscot with us we did find a very angry girl who's boyfriend had broken up with her, and we watched some crazy videos of guys going over 30ft waterfalls in Rafts in the middle of winter.
Tuesday was the bomb.
We woke up early Tuesday morning, finished loading the cars, fueled up and headed east to The Nob. Mason and Ashley had run the river before but Kyle, Marissa, Andrew and I had not and boy was it sick! We scouted the gorge from the cliffs surrounding it, pointing out lines and talking about angles, when Three River's five boat trip started making there way down the gorge. The first boat made it fine, the second boat (filled with a good number of teenage girls) flipped and we watched them all swim through the Class V rapids knowing that they would never want to raft ever again. But, if 13yr old girls could swim this, psh, we got it for sure. We saddle up the 15ft raft and hit the river with Mason as our guide making it down with no problems at all. Farther down the river is The Cribworks which is another Class V section that Mason navigates with ease. Now it was our turn. After some joking about injuries and recirculation, Kyle, Andrew and I bring the raft back up to the dam for round 2! Here is how our run went...
Ian Guiding the Gorge, Kyle Guiding the Crib
We get back late Tuesday night, exhausted but pumped. The day on The Nob had been incredibly fun and challenging. We all had a blast and no one got hurt! Andrew got a taste of what we do and how we do it (although on a different river). He even guided Pompanoosuc falls once, what a boss.
So from bad to incredible those three days were all something to remember. Having Andrew coming up here was freaking awesome! Hopefully I'll see some more people from down south drive up 201 and pull into the Windfall parking lot.
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